My Prayers

In April of 2024, the Executive Director of Detroit Narrative Agency (DNA), Ryan Pearson, texted me asking to set up a call. I had previously done freelance work for DNA, usually around event production, so I assumed it was for something very similar. To my surprise, Ryan informed me that, in tandem with DNA’s Annual Filmmakers Fellowship, they were developing a track for producers and wanted to invite me to act as lead producer for a short, narrative film that had been selected.

Prior to this call, I had been truly struggling and was finding myself in a funk around my career. I had paused a business that just wasn’t working for me anymore. Identifying what my offering to the community was became increasingly difficult. I found myself pulling away socially and professionally because I didn’t feel like I had a footing. I didn’t feel like I had value to offer.

Producing has always been something I felt extremely called to. I had worked as a field producer for a few projects and loved it. Filmmaking intimidated me, though, honestly, and I couldn’t figure out a real way to get my footing in the work. This call and this opportunity pulled me out of one of the worst funks I had ever been in with my career. The Universe does listen, and it does deliver.

The conversation was more affirming for me at this moment than I think Ryan knew. She made me aware that I was their first and immediate choice for the opportunity to be lead producer on this film. They knew my work in other capacities and trusted that I would be the right person to bring the film to life.

I called my mom immediately after to tell her about the conversation and that I was going to have the chance to produce my first short film, and I cried. I was holding so much frustration and anger around being stagnant in my career, yes, but also around who I wanted to be personally as a creative. As someone who has always been in creative spaces but was more so focused on the business aspect, I would have never called myself a creative. This moment cracked something open for me. It allowed me to see a path forward to the creative life I deeply desired.

On June 8, 2024, I met Diop Russell for the first time. I had no idea how much she and the relationship we would build would push me further in my relationship with my own creativity and professional practice.

To Move In My Mother’s Prayers (TMIMMP) is an inspiring story about a non-binary teen navigating their complex relationship with their mother while participating in the illustrious—and highly gendered—Legacy League. Diop and I bonded initially over being oldest daughters and the universal experience that comes along with it. Growing up in spaces that didn’t allow us to fully show up as ourselves, a theme that is paramount to the narrative of TMIMMP, also brought us together

For the next nine months, we jumped into the development phase. Iteration after iteration of the script, Diop pushed herself and the narrative further. From the moment Diop introduced me to the world and characters, I knew that there was so much to be achieved with this film. I felt, and still do, incredibly responsible for ensuring that this film reached its full potential, and there were times I struggled with balancing the fact that this was not my script, it was Diop’s. Throughout the process, Diop was incredibly open and gracious about my feedback on the script and incorporating some of my ideas.

This was Diop’s story to tell, though, and during the process, I had to let go of my need for control. My job was to support and push, not lead when it came to the script. Most of the projects that I’ve worked on have been my own and about my creative vision. This was the first time I’ve truly had to work in service of someone else’s vision, and it forced me to expand.

Diop is a thoughtful, intentional, and patient human, where I would often prefer to operate fast and efficiently. Diop taught me to stop, think, breathe, and sit with the work to provide it the care that it deserves. There were so many meetings at the end of a busy day where I wanted to hop on and get through the agenda to officially end my workday. Diop never approached the work like that; she asked questions of the work, the character, and the impact. Her vulnerability in her writing process invited me to be vulnerable. We often would just talk, sharing stories and experiences that would later inform the script.

Vulnerability is the difficult part of artistry to me, and perhaps why I could never jump in with two feet. I am incredibly grateful to Diop for nudging me through that door. Diop wrote a beautiful script, and I am proud to have helped her along the journey.

Obligatory selfie from the first day of production.

Pre-production is when it felt like it was my time as a producer to take the reins of bringing Diop’s film to life. This is the process of taking an idea to its physical form that I love. Diop had done the work of putting the story on the page, but it was my responsibility to get the story from page to the screen.

Pre-production is where I felt most comfortable. While I was new to producing films, I’m a production vet. (Shoutout to Kindred Fest and everything following that.) Building the crew, securing locations, drafting contracts…that’s my jam. There were absolutely moments when I relied on others to lead projects. I’d never created a shot list and relied on our Director of Photography, Jeremy Brockman. Jeremy can attest to the shot list being a place of stress for me prior to production, but he was right that everything would work out! Trust your team, trust the process.

Stepping on set the first day of shooting felt surreal. At the beginning of the day, as lighting, camera, and sound were being set up, the actors were heading to makeup and costume, and our production design team was dressing the set, I felt idle. I could feel my anxiety creeping up about not knowing what to do. It’s my job to be an amazing producer on this set, and within an hour, I already felt lost.

When I feel anxious, it's almost like I stop breathing. My mind jumps from place to place so quickly that it becomes hard for me to make sense of anything. I had to take a moment outside and catch my breath. My ego was yelling at me to make myself useful. The reality is, I could not have done anything more than what the cast and crew were already doing. That was not my role on set. My job was to assemble a team and create the space for them to do their work. So after I talked myself back from a potential spiral, I was able to head back, holding onto a center of calm.

My greatest joy and point of pride in producing this film is that we had an absolutely phenomenal cast and crew. Our team was filled with creatives in Detroit’s film scene who are so respected at what they do for good reason. Trusting the team, trusting the talent on set, was something I told myself over and over again. This mantra would continue to carry me throughout the production.

The first day of production left me exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. There were challenges that came up, of course. The entire day was magical for me. Producing is something that had always called to me, but seeing the film truly come to life was more than I could have imagined. The beauty of the film we were making pierced through me. When I got home with sore feet, I cried again because I was so happy, fulfilled, and satisfied.

During production, I learned so much from the people I worked with. Listening, observing, and asking questions when I didn’t understand something. Working across all the different departments, understanding their timelines and what support was needed, and problem-solving on the fly is the best type of work for me. Making decisions on the go, trusting instincts, quickly assessing situations—it gives me butterflies just thinking about it now. Being on a film set energized me in a way no other work ever has. It will be a high that I am always chasing now.

After wrapping three amazing production days, we are now moving into post-production, where the film will truly be shaped into its final form. Post provides another opportunity to deepen my understanding of filmmaking. During this process, I hope to gain insight into what really makes a film flow beautifully.

A year ago, I was turning the corner from feeling so unsure of myself and what I was capable of. Now, I have a renewed sense of self-belief. I can stand firmly in the fact that I am a creative. As I continue on this creative path, I know now how supported I am, that there are others who want to support and work with me, and that my ideas are worthy of being shared publicly. After production, Diop even told me she thinks I would be a great director. Who knows? I may be adding director to my resume one day! But right now, I’m happy to have found my stride in the magic of filmmaking.

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A Quick Thought On Devotion